nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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