i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
and you fell through a lawn chair
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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