My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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