You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize