It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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