She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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