The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
