So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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