Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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