Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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