nut hugger
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
They took my balls.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
