Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
