dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
