When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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