matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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