Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize