I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
