Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
