I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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