I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
