i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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