She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
