Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Come see our sink grown plant.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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