Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
