My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
