Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
