I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
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