Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
