just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
