Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
