I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
