yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
