you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
