I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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