My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
