so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
