This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
