Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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