Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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