You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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