We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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