Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My penis needs a shock collar
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
