after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Drunk is not a location!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
