Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
