Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize