Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
