She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
