Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
