i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
