I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
