hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
