you win again, gameday.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
