im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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