dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
