Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
