I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
