Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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