i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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