She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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