I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
