Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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