I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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