I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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