He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize