i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
