I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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