There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize