i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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