it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My breasts were aching with rage.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
